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On The Rocks by ~Tamuril-Marie:iconTamuril-Marie:

Categories Literature > Poetry > General Poetry > Open




As time goes by slowly

Tick
Tock

Tick
Tock

Tears dance on my cheek
They glisten in the darkness
And I’ve become weak

It’s hard for him to leave me
When I left him
It’s so hard for him to be
When I’m diving in

So my feet are on the edge
And I’m taking the dive
It could have been perfect
But it ended in suicide

I’m spiraling down
And gliding to the rocks
Looking up, eyes closed full of tears
Listening to the non-existent clocks

Tick
Tock

Tick
Tock

It should have been forever
It should have been true
But after all the times you hurt me
I knew we were threw

And I opened my eyes
To see you jumping after me
And I smiled for a while
Cause you do truly love me

And I closed my eyes and frowned
And pretended it wasn’t alright
Because right before I jumped
I whispered “I don’t love you anymore”
And lied

So I closed my eyes again
And felt myself floating
Falling to the rocks
Looking up, eyes closed full of tears
Listening to the non-existent clocks

Tick
Tock

Tick
Tock

About halfway down
You grabbed for the wall
You looked down and frowned
As I pretended to stop my fall

You looked back up
And started climbing again
In the bay fog you disappeared
And faster I began to descend

Now I’m waiting to hit the waves
To be washed up on the rocks
With my eyes closed full of tears
Listening to the non-existent clocks
Tick tock,
Tick tock
©2006-2009 ~Tamuril-Marie
:icontamuril-marie:

Author's Comments

Okay..so here's my pathetic attempt to create a good poem, while I think I have okay poetry it has no form no structure no nothing and people seem to complain about that on other sites, *cough* gaia *cough, or in real life *cough* english teacher *cough*. My english teacher hasn't read any of my poetry but I can tell from what he said about teenage poetry that he wouldn't like mine. I like open verse a little bit, as long as it has good flow, but yeah. I like imagery, I tried to do this with this poem but it was my pathetic attempt to create something more structural. It's a good poem, but it doesn't show as much image as I was going to and I'm also not sure I captured the feeling correctly, I mean yeah. So confusing, and it's like 3 in the morning so I'm kind of just ranting on and on and mumbling about nothingness right now, well I mean I'm ranting and mumbling about something it's just very useless, and I'm not really sure what I'm typing exactly, except I know I'm making a lot of errors. Fun no?!? WOOT WOOT FOR BOREDOM AND NEEDING SLEEP!

[edit] Like 2 seconds after its posted
Oh I was going to call it Non-Existent clocks and Falling on the rocks, but that was way too long so I shortened it by many characters and just called it on the rocks.

Comments


love 0 0 joy 2 2 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconmmo-rehab:
~MMO-Rehab Jun 22, 2006, 4:32:29 AM
in my opinion, it doesnt matter if a poem has structure or format.
doesnt it come out better if you dont worry about how many words should be in the next line?

nice poem though

--
◕_____◕
:iconcrazy-rubber-ducky:
!crazy-rubber-ducky Jun 22, 2006, 8:26:26 AM
beautiful

--
you may miss your brain..but ya know what...its in the caribbean somewhere drinking pina coladas, not missing you
- crazy ole me

Be.

i breath. i sleep. i pray. i love. i care. i give. i trust. i hate. i envy. i play. i live.
i am.
:icontamuril-marie:
~Tamuril-Marie Jun 22, 2006, 1:05:14 PM
:D thanx!

--
If you like a piece by an artist, whether poetry, art, photography or so forth, chances are you'll like their other pieces.

One of the qualities that I have is that I think, its not necessarily the best quality, but nevertheless a quality
:icontamuril-marie:
~Tamuril-Marie Jun 22, 2006, 1:05:37 PM
thank you

--
If you like a piece by an artist, whether poetry, art, photography or so forth, chances are you'll like their other pieces.

One of the qualities that I have is that I think, its not necessarily the best quality, but nevertheless a quality
:iconchubby-cheeks-10:
~chubby-cheeks-10 Jun 22, 2006, 1:59:39 PM
beautiful poem... imagery is beautiful! :clap: :clap: well done! :clap:

--
i dwell in my darkness...

member of ~Self-InjuryClub ~AngstPoetSociety *inblack-club *darkclub *snapefanclub ~bahayngfilipino
:icontamuril-marie:
~Tamuril-Marie Jun 22, 2006, 2:08:25 PM
:D thank you

--
If you like a piece by an artist, whether poetry, art, photography or so forth, chances are you'll like their other pieces.

One of the qualities that I have is that I think, its not necessarily the best quality, but nevertheless a quality
:iconnightgazer27913:
~Nightgazer27913 Jun 22, 2006, 2:59:28 PM
personally, i think format and structure sucks. you should be concentrating on the poem having depth and pulling the reader in and making them live through your words.or creating an image and expressing. making sure the lines ryme or have the right number of words is a waste of time. if it happens and it works then thats great but don't force it. and besides the fact that your writnig rocks, i like your writing because it dosen't follow the rules, it stands out and that makes it that much better. back on topic i like this one, it's different from your other stuff.
:icontamuril-marie:
~Tamuril-Marie Jun 22, 2006, 3:17:10 PM
thank you

--
If you like a piece by an artist, whether poetry, art, photography or so forth, chances are you'll like their other pieces.

One of the qualities that I have is that I think, its not necessarily the best quality, but nevertheless a quality
:iconskerd22:
*skerd22 Jun 22, 2006, 9:28:59 PM
Painfully wonderous.

:+fav:
:icontamuril-marie:
~Tamuril-Marie Jun 23, 2006, 8:42:33 PM
thank you

--
If you like a piece by an artist, whether poetry, art, photography or so forth, chances are you'll like their other pieces.

One of the qualities that I have is that I think, its not necessarily the best quality, but nevertheless a quality
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June 22, 2006
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